A Pole Is Just A Basketball That Is Made Of Metal And Long
by Squishyfox
Summary: This is definitely not a serious fic, but rather a ridiculous crackfic written for a friend. When Kagami's basketball obsession goes too far, he needs to get a part time job! But what happens when Kuroko becomes curious about this part time job?


Life was never boring in the home of the Tokyo, land of the basketball kings (which had become known as the basketball kings over the past several years, so that everyone was 18). There was always fun events, plenty of tourists, and the most incredible basketball players (even though nobody seemed to notice the odd basketball superpowers). But that is not what this story is about. This story is about the basketball players. Actually, just two basketball players. One of which was experiencing hard times, and had to get a part time job in order to support his basketball ways. The red-headed fellow, Kagami, had kept his job a secret from his basketball comrads, or so he had thought. . .

Kuroko wandered down the street, having heard rumours of Kagami's part time job at Red Hot Chili's. He carefully scanned each sign, eventually finding his goal. The sign featured a spicy chili pepper wearing a cowboy hat.

"A cowboy store..?" Kuroko wondered to himself before opening the door and entering.

"Howdy there, and welcome! Please take a seat by the stage!"

Standing by the door was a man dressed in a cowboy outfit, with a little bowtie on. He looked like Indiana Jones if he were a cowboy, but not that new shit in the Crystal Skull, but a younger Indy, like in Temple of Doom, the good Indy.

Kuroko nodded at the Indy who was not actually Indy, and took a in front of a wooden stage. There was a long runway leading up to the circular stage. In the middle of the stage was a pole that was about as tall as a 12 foot tall tree, but was metallic and had a smaller circumference than most trees.

"What a tall pole. I bet it is about 12 feet tall." Kuroko remarked. "I wonder what it is for. Perhaps it is a maypole."

The room was packed with young men, all carrying wads of cash. It seemed like a poor business practice to only accept cash, but Kuroko shrugged it off. Suddenly the lights dimmed, and the stagelights illuminated the stage.

"WELCOME GENTLEMAN, TO RED HOT CHILI'S. WHERE THE FOOD IS HOT, AND THE MEN ARE HOTTER. PLEASE WELCOME OUR FIRST COWBOY OF THE NIGHT, THE SPICY HOT ANGRY RED CHILI PEPPER KING!" A voice boomed over the audience, as the curtains opened. Out strutted the red headed boy wearing a cowboy hat, an open vest, and assless chaps. He looked like a sex god, if sex gods were cowboys. Kagami sexily walked over to the pole, and started to twirl around on it, like one of those ball and rope games kids play on tall poles. His ass perfectly gripped the pole, the bulge in his pants drawing the eyes of all the handsome men in the room, like Pavlov's dogs reaction to meat, but this time it was manmeat they were after. He was the hottest of all chili pepper's, the way he handled the pole was beautiful. It would bring the manliest man down, the way he sexily slid his body up and down. He was a sex python of mad love and sexy cowboys. He was the king of the pole. He was sexier than a playboy magazine if it was full of sexy men instead of sexy women, and they were dressed like cowboys, instead of bunnies.

Kuroko blinked. "Kagami, you are dressed like a cowboy. Why are you dressed like a cowboy?"

Kagami stopped spinning on the pole, his eyes locked onto Kuroko. A massive blush went across his cheeks. He was about as red as the chili peppers he was named after (thankfully named after chili peppers, for green like a jalepeno just isn't as good). "K-Kuroko! Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you at your part time job Kagami."

Kagami stiffened, looking down at his feet, clearly embarrassed. Of course he hadn't spotted Kuroko in the crowd, Kuroko was a phantom, and like many phantoms, that meant he was invisible most of the time. If ghosthunters wanted pics of a real ghost, they would take photos of Kuroko, but that is a story for another time.

"I-I'm not doing this because I want to, Kuroko," Kagami finally admitted after many long moments of silence, "I am doing this because I am poor. My need for basketball has exceeded my money needs, and this was the only place that would take me, for I look like a spicy chili pepper sex god in assless chaps."

"Is that so?" Kuroko remarked, remaining unphased by this very sexy situation. He pulled out $327.98 out of his pocket, all the money he had saved for his vanilla shake guzzling contest training, then handed the money to Kagami. "Here, take this. You clearly do not want to be here. This should be enough to support your need for basketball."

Kagami gasped, his mouth opened wide like a blowup sex doll. "K-Kuroko! You would do this for me!? ? ! Thank you!" He gathered all the money, and slipped it into the belt of his assless chaps.

"Why see there sonny! I saw what you did there!" The cowboy from the door appeared beside them, interrupting there conversation as he spun a revolver that was actually a water gun in one hand. "You paid enough for the Spicy Chili Pepper SexyTime SPECIAL! Let me bring you to your room!"

"Oh no, that won't be necessary..." Kuroko began, but quickly was interrupted. The cowboy grabbed his and Kagami's hands, dragging them over to another room, and tossed the two of them inside. The Indy cowboy grinned at them and winked, "You two have fun there!" Then the door slammed shut.

Kuroko sighed as he heard the door lock, and looked around the room. There were many pieces of cowboy inspired furniture, including a cowboy bed, and a cowboy dressing table. It was like the room of a four year old if they were obsessed with Woody from Toy Story, but had discovered the adult version of a woody, which is not a cowboy doll. The room was very warm, and Kuroko had just returned from practice, making this even more uncomfortable.

"Your boss is very pushy." Kuroko commented, taking off his shirt and tossing it to the side. Kagami gulped as he eyed Kuroko's glistening pecs. He could feel his manmeat throb within his chaps.

"Kuroko... did you just return from basketball practice?" Kagami asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Why yes I did, Kagami... do you have a revolver in your pocket that isn't really a revolver but a watergun?"

Kagami smirked, his bratwurst growing as he stepped closer to Kuroko, slowly pushing him against the wall. "It isn't a revolver that isn't really a revolver but a watergun, but I definitely want to make you all wet."

It was Kuroko's turn to blush, his cheeks more red that the angry red chili pepper man's hair. "Kagami, does me playing basketball turn you on?"

"More than anything." Kagami pressed his lips against Kuroko, sucking face like a couple young frisky teenagers alone in their parent's house. "I just want to shoot the ball into your hoop."

Kagami unbuckled his giantass cowboy belt buckle, revealed that apparently the cowboy's beltbuckle was not compensating for anything, but was indeed related to the size of their revolver. He shrugged off the vest, and slipped Kuroko out of his pants. As it turned out, Kuroko liked to go commando style, which was surprising, since Kagami had always been sure that Kuroko was a briefs kind of guy.

Kagami was feeling hotter than the fire of a thousand suns, nothing could extinguish his passion now. He put the passion in passionfruit, as he pushed Kuroko onto the bed and loomed over him, like a wolf ready to pounce on its prey, but was going to have sex with it first.

He pressed his banana between Kuroko's buns, close enough to Kuroko felt Kagami's basketballs touch his bottom. This had been the moment he had been training for during all those tough squats at the gym (he had actually lied about practicing basketball, he had actually been watching those exercise videos for one's gluteus maximus, but knew that basketball was the way to Kagami's heart, or rather, dick)

"TIME TO SLAM DUUUUUUUNK!" Kagami cried out before plunging his fat member into the depths of Kuroko's wishing well. "TWO POINTS!"

Kuroko moaned loudly, Kuroko's slam dunk was just as powerful as it was in the court. He had expected nothing less of the spicy red chili pepper sex god. The way Kagami pounded up and down was like the dribbling of a basketball. The powerful thrusts were his slam dunks. Kuroko's ass was both the court and the net, Kagami's new favourite playing field. It was beautiful, like a rainbow after a storm, with a sex god on a unicorn offering sexy sex coming down from his beautiful red chili pepper castle made from the sexiest and hottest jalepenos. Kuroko was getting wetter than a waterfall full of all the water in the world, with all the Water Pokemon trainers and their water Pokemon holding the world's biggest water Pokemon battle, only Water Pokemon allowed.

Kagami huffed and puffed, trying to blow Kuroko's house down, and by house I mean ass, and by blow, I mean fuck (which still doesn't make sense, fuck Kuroko's ass down?). His ass was incredible, and he just wanted to keep scoring slam dunk after slam dunk. Nothing would beat the power of basketball.

"SPEAK BASKETBALL TO ME!" Kagami growled, grabbing Kuroko's hot dog (which wasn't as big as Kagami's bratwurst, but still a big enough to be considered streetmeat, it was plenty big, but completely plain) and jacking him off. After all, Kuroko had taught him to be a team player, and to lend a helping hand.

"OH KAGAMI! YOU'RE ABOUT TO SCORE A THREE POINTER, OHH~" Kuroko obliged before scoring all over the bed. "SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~! I AM GONNA WIN THIS GAME! I AM BASKETBALL! I AM GONNA BUST YOUR HOOP, OH MY BASKETBALL GOD, OHHH~!"

Kagami finally scored his own three pointer (even though he was already many points ahead of Kuroko), painting Kuroko's dungeon in white. Kuroko's court was finally won, victory achieved at last. The championship of the ass was won at long last, finally showing his slam dunk skills great power. Kuroko smiled a knowing smile though, knowing that Kagami had finally learned to pass to teammates, and that they had scored slam dunks together, where it mattered. Which was in their pants. Or rather lack of pants.

Kuroko panted as he collapsed on the bed, and Kagami collapsed beside him, both exhausted from the game of lovemaking. There was a quiet knock on the door.

"Spicy red chili pepper king. Your next client is here. He said his name was angry apathetic blueberry?"

Kuroko looked at Kagami and smiled. Together, they would teach Aomine to pass as well, but that is a basketball game for another day. And by passing, I mean buttsex. Beautiful buttsex for all to share, all in the name of basketball.


End file.
